Diana Darby ** "I V" ** Intravenous

The Shoe

The sandy beach I dreamed of walking on
to pumice my feet smooth,
didn’t exist in Sanibel.
Instead, I found myself dodging shells
like I were walking on a mine field.
There were a few smooth patches to be found
but they only lasted long enough for the tide
to roll in and roll out.
The first four days of the trip were so cold
I came home with numb feet
from an early morning walk.
My ears stung
and my hands were a pale blue.
“This is Florida?”
I asked an elderly couple I passed.
It felt more like Alaska.
They smiled and nodded
knowing the question didn’t need an answer.
It was o.k.
my frozen morning walk
on the beach
was a good warm-up for what waited for me
back at the condo.
The silence.
The yelling.
The tension.
The sharp shards of language thrown at each other
like broken conchs.
This was no vacation I had gone on.
This was an episode of survivor,
except for the freezer stuffed with ice cream,
and the refrigerator full of supplies,
it was every man for himself.
One night
we managed to all be civil enough to one another
to play Monopoly.
We used to play it together when we were children.
I was the shoe.
I was always the shoe.
I hopped from Boardwalk to Park Place
to the B&O railroad,
holding my breath,
hoping I wouldn’t land on somebody else’s property.
When I got sent to jail,
I was happy.
At least jail was free.
I sat there in my isolation for three turns and watched them.
I watched my father try to remember which piece he was.
I watched my sister buy
a house for every property she owned.
I watched my mother lope around the board in cash-heavy oblivion,
incapable of reading a Community Chest Card without assistance,
and unaware of when it was her turn.
We were a weird,
weird foursome.
A reality t.v. show of our own,
that no one would ever believe unless it had been filmed for posterity.
We went on like this for two days
until I suggested we call it a draw.
My sister agreed and then insisted either my father or mother won
because there was no way she would let me win.
I didn’t care.
As far as I was concerned,
it was a never ending game
no one could win.