Diana Darby ** "I V" ** Intravenous

Dentyne Smile

There is something wrong with me.
I admit it.
I am not meant for this world.
Nothing about this world and me
seem to work together.
For example,
right now I am sitting on the couch
bleaching my teeth with Crest Whitestrips.
I have never used them before
and I doubt I will ever use them again.
The first two strips I ruined when I threw them into the trash and kept the plastic backing instead.
I tried to fit the plastic into my mouth
before I realized it wasn’t working.
Then I opened two more packets and put the two thin strips into my mouth.
They don’t press on easily
like they say they do on t.v.
They slide around in your mouth
creating a messy barrier of saliva and hydrogen peroxide foam.
They feel like they are going to fall off at any minute.
I can’t imagine putting them on like they say in the instructions and then
“Hopping into the shower”,
or “commuting to work”.
I can’t even open my mouth without drool running down my chin
much less use a turn signal.
Another thing I don’t like is that they don’t go all the way around.
Now the back half of my teeth will be yellower than the front half.
And I swear they are giving me a headache.
Probably all the saccharin I am swallowing.
Oh well, what' s a little cancer in order to have white teeth?
It’s weird,
I remember when people chewed Dentyne
and thought they were doing something to whiten their teeth.
Now everything is so much more intense.
I never even used to worry about how white my teeth were.
Then I started noticing everyone on t.v. and in magazines
had super white teeth.
Not just naturally white,
but glowingly bright white.
According to my dental hygienist,
your teeth are supposed to match the whites of your eyes.
Something no one had ever told me before
until teeth bleaching came into the dentist’s office
and became part of our lingo,
just like internet,
video dating,
fast food,
cell phones,
and Utube.
I don’t know about any one else,
but I liked it better before
when we chewed Dentyne and ate tic-tacs
and thought that was enough.