Diana Darby ** "I V" ** Intravenous

Barbie Doll

I am in pain,
day after day,
my leg screwed in to the hip joint
all wrong,
like a Barbie doll
some little girl decided to torture.
There is pain
in my low back,
like someone struck a match
and left me to burn
till there was nothing left but ash.
I think of the invalids,
the ones in hospital beds,
the ones using walkers to make their way,
the ones in wheelchairs
the ones holding canes.
I see their faces
contorted with each step
as mine has become
and I pray that I won’t end up that way.
I pray mine is only temporary,
but I don’t know.
I really don’t.
Last night
I sat on the futon
and thought about killing myself
I thought,
“If I have to be in pain like this for the rest of my life,
I would rather die”.
And yet,
it is this pain that has brought me back to myself.
It is this pain that keeps me in my body,
in a way that no therapist ever could.
It is this pain that keeps me thinking about no one else
but me.