Amnesia

It’s as if I can’t remember,

can’t keep it in my head

how horrible they were (are)

to me.

Some weird sort of amnesia

in my brain prevails,

driving me back

over and over again,

as if somehow by going back
some part of me thinks
I can

change it,

transform it into what I want it to be,

what it never was.

It’s insanity.

Nothing but insanity.

They are content to sit

and watch

T.V.

to waste their minutes

in front of the T.V. fighting

over the nut container,

and who screwed it on wrong,

and what’s in the box,

and why neither of them knows how to shut the window

or turn on the microwave.

They,

the ones who were supposed to protect me,

were too busy arguing to notice

I was floating face down in the swimming pool.

And when they finally did notice,

they didn’t jump in,

they just yanked me up by my hair.

They,

the ones who were supposed to love me

wrecked birthday parties and Christmases

with complete abandon

year after year.

Nothing mattered but them.

Nothing ever did.

I was there to wait on her

and placate him.

There was never a me.

There wasn’t room.

I just wish I could remember that

the next time I even think about hopping on a plane and coming out for Thanksgiving.