Diana Darby ** "I V" ** Intravenous

The Last Time

Some days the loss
is worse than others.
Some days I can go about my day
and be concerned with faulty windshield wipers
and oil leaks.
Some days I can sit in the red chair
and roll around the room lost in the squeak
of my wheels.
But today wasn’t one of those days.
Sitting on the bench underneath the tree
surrounded by fourth graders
I wanted to sing blue.
I wanted to tell them how much I missed him
and how amazing he was.
My dog.
I wanted them to take my head in their laps
and put their arms around my shoulder
and be the friends I never had.
I wanted to play charades with them
and swing on the swings
and talk about which boys liked which girls.
I wanted to go out for an ice cream with them and lick all the white
down to nothing.
I wanted to go back in time
and remember how good it felt
to laugh out loud
and not worry
if it would be the last time.