Diana Darby ** "I V" ** Intravenous

If It's Wednesday I Must Be Lying

If I go there I’ll have bread,
or some other crap I shouldn’t eat.
No,
it’s out ,
it’s definitely out.
Like driving to Pensacola.
I wanted so much to go there.
I wanted to walk on the sand,
and hear the waves,
and watch the seagulls
fly.
But it’s Wednesday.
Soon I’ll be leaving for Houston,
and Galveston’s just an hour away,
so it seems redundant to drive 8 hours to a beach now
when I’m going to be near a beach in less than a week.
Still,
I wanted to go.
I promised myself I would go.
But instead
I’m here
in Nashville,
pulling up Hotwire,
and looking at hotels I’ll never stay at.
I don’t know how this keeps happening.
I keep promising myself one thing,
but then keep turning around and doing something else.
I promised not to take any cocoa covered almonds
out of the bin at Wild Oats,
but yesterday I took four.
And I didn’t regret it.
I keep saying I’m going to sit down and write
and make that my priority,
but I always end up doing something else first,
like the laundry,
or filling a stack of papers that has coupons in it from March.
I tell myself I don’t want to be part of my family’s insanity,
but then I call them every day.
I guess I get some kind of twisted rush
knowing I’m the “sane” one in the group.
I pride myself on being honest,
but the truth is
I lie to myself constantly.