Diana Darby ** "I V" ** Intravenous

The Asshole Who Cuts My Grass

quit today.
All because I told him
I didn’t want the grass cut.
It didn’t need cutting.
It’s almost dead.
It hasn’t rained here in days.
There are big brown patches
on the hill
and in the front.
Everywhere you look
people are watering their lawns,
not cutting them.
I haven’t heard the sound of a lawn mower
or a leaf blower
in days.
You’d think if he gave a damn at all
he would know that.
But all he cares about is the money.
So when I told him,
"I think we should wait until next week",
he told me,
“Maybe I should get another landscaper.”
Not “o.k.
it has been dry lately”
Or, “no problem”.
Just, “Maybe I should get another landscaper.”
“Landscaper?”
Who does he think he is?
Picasso?
All he's ever done is cut the grass and use a Weed Eater.
He’s never even pulled a weed out of the flower beds.
Landscaper?
Please.
I never liked him anyway.
He’s always been rude to me,
changing prices at whim,
charging extra for trimming bushes
and complaining about picking up dead limbs.
Who needs him?
Not me.
The only thing I did wrong
was keep him around
as long as I did.