Diana Darby ** "I V" ** Intravenous

High Anxiety

I’m having an anxiety attack.
I haven’t had one in years,
but I still know the feeling.
My stomach knots up
and begins to churn
and it gets so tight I can’t eat.
And what I do manage to eat
wants to come up.
I start breathing really hard,
or not breathing at all,
and then there is this feeling of complete panic,
like a rat stuck in a cage,
running back and forth
trying to find a way out.
I didn’t think I’d ever have them again,
but I’m having one now.
The last time I had one
I was in L.A.
driving in my car
down Fourth ave
in Santa Monica.
I don’t remember what caused it,
probably an ex-boyfriend,
or my agent,
but I remember hyperventilating
and the palm trees
swaying above my head
looking like they were going to fall in on me.
I remember running to get inside my apartment
and grabbing a paper bag
and breathing into it.
I watched it expand and fall
over and over
till I was sure it had passed.
Now it’s back,
and all my bags
are plastic.