Strange Days
People are getting ruder and ruder.
Yes,
you heard me.
Yesterday, I was driving home from Chicago,
and three different times some asshole had to get right up on the back of me
and ride me like I was a cheap hooker.
One of them was a guy in a giant black Ford truck pulling a trailer.
The guy drove like he was nuts.
When I refused to get over, because there was no where to go,
except behind a slow moving semi carrying pigs,
he got even closer.
It was really scary.
I mean any closer,
and he’d be in my backseat listening to my Sirius underground garage radio station.
So, that’s when I slammed on my brakes.
The asshole didn’t like that one bit.
A few minutes later, he pulls out a badge and flashes at me.
I, mean, what the Hell?
He’s some cop on an undercover mission?
What is he, in pursuit of
some criminal while pulling a trailer at the same time?
I don’t buy it.
I don’t even know if the badge was real.
For all I know, the guy’s a security guard at JC Penny,
or a truancy officer at an elementary school,
or a food inspector.
But if he’s going to be flashing badges, I’m getting over.
Jerk might pull out a gun and open fire or something.
He flew by me and then proceeded to tailgate every other poor driver in his path.
What an asshole!
Then there were the two guys in the silver Honda Pilot.
They rode me too.
Every time I got over for them,
they wouldn’t pass.
Rode the Hell out of me,
then not pass.
Over and over.
What is wrong with people?
We drove next to each other for miles.
Neither had a clue that I was completely annoyed by them.
Weird.
The third one was this girl in a beat-up Kia.
She was on the phone,
of course,.
They’re always on the phone.
Weird tattoos.
Smoking.
One minute driving ninety.
The next fifty.
No consistency.
She rode me too.
Gesturing at me with weird fingers in the air.
I just shook my head.
I finally got off at a rest stop,
peed,
and drank some rusty water out of the fountain.
At least the attendant there was nice.
Of course, she wasn’t driving a car.
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