Diana Darby ** "I V" ** Intravenous

Leap of Faith

It is a leap of faith
to become a parent.
It is a leap I lack,
an inability to jump.
A fear of the unknown and what God holds in his candy box for me.
I envision a child capable of the most heinous crimes,
a child who would regard me with horror,
a child who would make my every moment a nightmare.
In short,
I envision the Bad Seed.
I think about what this child would do to my relationship with my partner.
I think about how many sleepless nights we would have.
No more sitting next to each other to cuddle,
but rather the thing always between us,
pressing his or her way against us,
watching us to see what we do.
A test.
One night after another.
Every day a new adventure.
I think about the hitting and biting and screaming and crying.
Then I think about the three of us lying together in the tall grass looking up at the stars
and counting them all.
I think about birthday parties and Christmases
and mile markers
like first steps
and first dates.
I think about my patience
and wonder if I would have enough.
I think about my fear
and pray I would not pass it on.
I think about my childhood
and wonder why my parents ever had me.